Reading from the Torah – Genesis 23:1 – 25:18
Sarah dies, possibly due to exhaustion after knocking Abe’s brain out of his skull for trying to barbecue Isaac. Abe does the honorable thing and gives her a proper burial after purchasing a prime sepulcher from a local real estate tycoon. Abe decides it’s time for Isaac to get hitched. After scrolling right on Jdate, Becky meets Isaac after convincing her brother and mother that Isaac’s a real mensch. Sparks fly; they skip the wedding and go straight to the honeymoon. Caught in the throes of a midlife crisis at the age of 137, Abe decides that he’s single and ready to mingle. He buys a sports camel, marries a Bedouin beauty, and has more kids, thereby making him the oldest dad at the Hebron High School graduation ceremony. Keturah’s kids receive their trust funds and move east, but Isaac inherits the family business. Abe kicks the bucket at the ripe old age of 175. Isaac and Ishmael reunite to bury Abe with Sarah who continues to bop Abe’s noggin for eternity in the afterlife.